Musical Frustration: Part II... & Breakfast!

Good morning!

I can not believe that I am writing this at 7:00... A.M. I woke up this morning a little bit before 6 feeling really hungry. I was really craving almonds so I made my self a yummy breakfast of 2 packets of plain instant oatmeal, 1 banana, 1/4 cup of a raw almond and raisin mix, garnished with cinnamon and sweetened with stevia. It was incredible!

When my family, my boyfriend and I took a trip to Florida to visit with family for the holidays, we spent a few days with my grandparents in Georgia. My grandmother Carole and my mom went out to the store to pick up some vegan eats for me and my boyfriend and while they were unable to find some of my fav staple foods - ezekiel tortillas for example - they were able to find organic, plain instant oats! I love the convenience of instant oatmeal when your on the road and I have never been able to find oats of the instant, packaged variety that weren't sweetened, or packed with weird additives and/or artificial ingredients. So finding these was such a surprising treat. Upon receiving the oats I thanked my mom and grandma and told them, in the words of Tim and Eric, Great Job! Unfortunately they didn't get the reference.

Anyway back to musical endeavors of the frustrated variety:

So, we left off talking about me writing my first song, which was a cappella. When I got a little bit older I became more and more fixated with my fathers acoustic guitar. He sensed my interest, and showed me my first chord - a D. I struggled at first to configure my fingers into the tiny triangular shape that the chord required, all while putting enough pressure on the strings so that they would resonate the way they were suppose to. After that I was hooked.

I took guitar lessons for a bit learning basic chords, covering songs by other artists that were assigned by my teacher (my first was "Let It Be"), and overviewing a bit of picking and finger technique, until my teacher moved to New York. From there, I basically took what I had learned through lessons and used that knowledge to develop my own songwriting skills on the guitar. I enjoyed playing other people's music but I always found myself straying while practicing, in a similar way to when I wrote my first song... I wanted to create something of my own that meant something to me. At a young age I discovered the rush of playing a song that you yourself write personally. There is nothing else like it.

In eighth grade I transfered out of public school middle school and into a performing arts middle school near by. I had heard of the school from a very dear friend and been really interested because I never enjoyed or felt good going to public school. I always felt a bit anxious in such competitive environments and I found it difficult to make friends. So naturally when another option was presented to me I eagerly jumped on board the charter school train.

PVPA (Pioneer Valley Performing Arts High School) was small and the kids were friendly, everyone bonding together in a haze of middle school/ new school awkwardness. The teachers who were all very welcoming, seemed to be fueled with a kind of 'we're-very-enthusiastic-about-this-school-but-we're-still-getting-used-to-this-whole-teaching-thing' kind of vibe.

And to be fair it was the first year that the middle school was open. That year, PVPA, which originally was a high school only, had branched out to create a middle school - and for this I am eternally grateful ('Toy Story' anyone?). Because the middle school was brand new there was a whole new crop of students that the school was just waiting to let in. The high school, which had been around longer, had a lottery system for accepting students and so if the middle school had not opened up at that time I may have never gotten in. I auditioned for the school with my song "Fall".

In middle and high school I slowly transformed from out of my shy closet singer songwriter persona into a open-mic playing regular (we had one almost every friday) who belted out songs in the school staircase. PVPA completely brought me to life and helped me to realize that music, for me at that time, was the most healing and enriching way to nourish my creative being.

I took lessons with various teachers throughout high school but I never really stayed with them too long. Sometimes it was the teachers who didn't feel right and sometimes it was the lessons themselves - somehow practicing the 12 bar blues just didn't make my heart sing the way writing my own songs did.

I ended up writing a lot of songs throughout my adolescence and teens, over 30 of them. I dabbled in a bit of recording but always felt intimidated by the permanence of it. I didn't like the idea of not being able to change a lyric if I wanted to. In addition to playing at school, I played a lot out on my own too: at open mics, some local shows with other young artists, and sometimes I collaborated with friends.

After graduating from high school, I deferred from Smith College for a year to work on music - ideally I wanted to record. My recording plans feel through but my school year (August 2009 - August 2010) year was still jam packed full of great things including music: I worked at a children's summer camp where I made some wonderful connections with people, I picked up the ukulele and the piano, I worked at a coffee shop, I met my current boyfriend J., I took 3 amazing classes at a wonderful community college that I absolutely adored, J. and I started a band together (and recorded an album!), I spent the summer in Maine with J. & his family, I worked at an Inn in Maine, I saved a bird in the road, made some big and really difficult decisions about school, and wrote a whole slew of new songs.

And now on the the frustration part. Since returning home from my summer in Maine and them some time away at school, I have been having a really difficult time writing music. This difficulty may be due to a few things: I am distracted easily and I have been putting music on the back-burner lately (which brings up that age-old question: why do we put off doing the things that we feel that we wanting to do?), I may be in a musical rut, and I may be in part due to the fact that it is winter time and this has caused a musical decline to my musical creativity and productivity in the past. Usually I am flooded with ideas come spring.

Whatever the reason for the break, I have decided, to ride out this musical fork in the road with stride.

I think that is all I have time for, for now. I am off to choose my new classes at Holyoke Community College (the one I mentioned earlier) and then I have a long list of errands. Sounds fun right?

Quote of the day:

"A human being... experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desired and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison... " - Einstein

Question of the day (feel free to leave a comment below):

Is there anything that you love to do and yet you put off doing it on a regular basis?

Have a great day guys!