asking [friends] for help.

Picture above = some very good friends.

Hey everyone!

It just occurred to me (literally seconds ago) that I need to stop pretending that I know everything.

Until I admit to myself that I am still learning and that there is so much knowledge and wisdom that I can attain from other people I will continue to struggle. I know who I am and how to listen to what my heart is saying (I try at least) but sometimes the most profound wisdom that I encounter is found outside of myself.

I need to stop being so afraid to look outward. In order to do this I am going to have to do something that I have never been comfortable doing: asking for help.

For some reason I always thought that asking for help meant admitting defeat: if I can't do something on my own it makes me a failure who is unworthy or any attention that would be attained through reaching outward. However, it is this kind of thinking that gets me into trouble in the first place!

Reaching out does not mean I am a failure but rather that I am assertive and eager to learn from the experiences of others.

From here on out I am going to make a solid effort to keep reminding myself that sharing my daily experiences (battles, discoveries, celebrations, etc.) with other people is totally necessary if I want to keep growing as a person. I am also going to make an attempt to learn as much as I can from the experiences of other people. I tend to get stuck in a rut, thinking that that way I have been doing things is the only way. The logical part of me knows however that breaking my own rules and routines is what makes me feel most liberated, not remaining a prisoner to them.

Every day seems to teach me something valuable and I am going to try and remember that with each answer that comes my way, there is always another one waiting around the corner.

And good friends make everything better (:

Goodnight friends!

sunday lameness...

Oh the joys of a sunday night.

After a blah weekend filled with a bit of friend time, a drop of home-work doing, a lot of driving, and not an ounce of time with J., I am ready to call it a day.

Do you ever have days where things seem a bit "off'"? I think its safe to say that today falls into the "I-think-I-feel-a-funk-coming-on" category. I would also say that nothing can help cure a case of the "blahs" like a good nights rest.

So my dear friends, good night and sweet dreams.

I'M BACK

Seriously what is up with the fact that I haven't posted on here in foreverrrrr?

What is the picture of? Oh just a HUGE snowman that my neighbor's made. It seriously rocks (or at least it did before it melted...)!

I apologize for my absence; things have been a bit hectic in the life of Sarah lately.

So what have I been up to exactly? Well:

- School work (which I am avoiding right now by the way): Reading, writing, campus meet ups, looong discussions with my teachers, etc etc.

- Friends! I have been getting a healthy dose of socialization lately and it feels wonderful!

- J. time (:

- Music!!! I am finding that when it comes to fitting more music into my day, multi-tasking can be a lifesaver! For example: because I spend so much time in the car driving to and from school, work, and such, I find that I am able to work on songs during this travel time! Not new ones usually, but rather old ones that I working on and I know well enough to sing a capella while driving. It's awesome because motion usually gets my brain fired up and I come home with finished songs.

- KITTEN! My mom (who shares my intense love for animals) has been feeding a family of feral cats that live outside of her school building for the past few months. She noticed them one day while heading home and she has been bringing them food every day since. About two weeks ago while my mom was feeding the cats, she noticed a kitten who did not run away from her like the others did. After a closer look she realized that the kitten was very sick with what we later found out was an upper respiratory infection. Anyway, the kitten stayed with us for the night, during which time we fell in love and convinced my dad to let us adopt her. Here we are two weeks later and little Sheela (if you want more info as to where her name came from just comment and let me know) and I are snuggling together on my bed. She is so loving! She is constantly purring and begging for me to pet her. (:

Okay well I am off to finish some homework and hang out with the kitty. Adios!

Early Morning Thoughts

This morning I woke up super early. I have no idea why - I have been seriously sleep deprived within the past week. Getting back to school has seriously thrown me for a loop. Time management is something that I generally don't have too much trouble with but for some reason as of late my body and brain have both been telling me that what I need are not to be doing readings and critical responses but to be playing guitar, writing, doing yoga, spending time with my friends, and whatever other pleasant activity presents itself to me. I am really trying to cherish and enjoy every moment of these activities because I know that I have been denying myself of them for such a long time.

Let me explain.

Since I was young I have struggled with body image and eating issues, high anxiety, depression, and low self esteem. These difficulties left me feeling very sad, isolated. I am trying to be mindful, thoughtful, and appreciate of everyday in an attempt to heal myself and it has proven to be a very difficult process.

I am lucky to have some very positive forces in my life including: my seemingly endlessly supportive boyfriend, my mother and father, a few friends who I have informed about my struggles, my therapist - who has proven to be someone that I feel very comfortable talking to, and my nutritionist, who, although I have not known her long, seems to have a lot of experience to share.

I also have my songwriting which is always nourishing and therapeutic to me. It forces me to look inward without eve realizing that I am doing it and to really feel my emotions - something that I try very hard to avoid a great deal of the time.

I have been struggling a lot lately with some of my old demons, that I am realizing though my own self reflection, have never really gone away. I think that throughout my teens I suppressed my feelings about my difficulties and since I graduated from high school a lot of them have been coming right back up again, in a not so positive way.

Anyway, I just though that I would share why it is that I haven't been posting as of late. I figured that instead of making this blog into a place where I post about amazing my day-to-day life is was I should actually be honest and share my struggles with those of you out there who are reading.

Because honestly on, we all struggle.

Oh, and in case you were wondering what the picture above is all about, it is of the little leaf footed bug that kept J. and I company the weekend before last. His name is Jasper and he spent the last two or three at the foot of my bed. Seriously, he hasn't moved. That's one simple appreciate that I have right there:

I. Love. Bugs!

Namaste.

goals:

Yep, those are the goats that I was talking about in my previous post. Cute, no?

And they are PREGGERZ! I seriously cannot wait to visit the little baby goaties. Soooooo excited!

Okay onto GOALS:

Goals for tomorrow:

- Buy planner

- Mail Jordan's (no, I didn't slip and reveal J., my boyfriend's secret identity. Jordan is my cousin) mix cd

- Check out the HCC gym

- See if Dave's pet food city has vegan or vegetarian dog food.

- Finish homework for for class

- Finalize schedule (decide on dropping or keeping poli. sci.)

- Find books for class online/ buy them!

- Play music!

Goals for this week:

- Bring lap top to the mac store/ buy backup for laptop!

- Return books to Smith/ sell them online

- Sell dvds online

Long term goals to carry out on a daily basis:

- Play a mixture of guitar, piano, uke, and saw on a daily basis.

- Do the touch-typing program for 15 minutes a day.

- MOVE. Do something, anything: walk, hike, run, yoga-out, do weights, jump, dance, hula hoop, etc.

- Buy new running shoes.

- Read a little bit (with college courses starting up this shouldn't be a problem).

- Do more animal rights activism (write, go to events, educate myself through reading and writing).

- Visit with friends often - make it a point to socialize at least every other day.

- Establish a book club!

- Make a new recipe/ try something new every day.

- Communicate; be honest and open with everyone including my parents.

- Reduce procrastination time (blogging, facebook, etc.).

- Reduce and slowly eliminate all negative thoughts, through positive self-talk and by introducing optimism into all areas of my life.

- Quit bitting my nails.

- Learn about/ purchase some quality vegan hair and skin care products.

- Be less critical: let everything be, including myself.

- Save the world.

Peace!

Freezing cold hikes, insects, pregnant goats, & inner-peace.

Hello lovelies!

As you may or may not have noticed, it has been quite some time since I last sat down and devoted a chunk of time towards a post. Well starting now I have decided to commit to posting on here more often even if means just writing a tiny fraction of what I normally would. I am slowly realizing that condensing my reality into a few short lines is nearly an impossibility for me - but I am going to try! Consistency not quantity right?

So onto what's new in my life. Well, let me start by saying that I am writing to you right now with the hottest butt ever! In all seriousness though, I just discovered my mom's heating pad and it rocks. My room, for whatever reason, is the coldest in the house and so a little extra heat goes a long way. Plus now my backside is super cozy! (:

Let me do a quick (or not so quick) weekend recap for you: J. came to visit and we had a ultra lazy yet super productive mini-vacation. During our 4 nights and 3 days together we:

- almost performed at an open mic, but left early due to a fee that we were unaware of, and a super cranky&rude lady working at the coffee shop where the open mic was held. I was bummed that I didn't get to see my friend perform her song but I didn't want to/realize that I was suppose to spend money in order to view or perform in the open mic. And in regards to t woman's rude nature: I honestly don't know why anyone would be inconsiderate towards another person about something so small. Neither J. nor I knew about the money and I told her that in all honesty the rule was new to me and I was simply unaware. However, she showed no empathy or understanding at all but rather judgement and hostility. She did nothing but lose two costumers forever.

- made waffles, pancakes, indian spiced chickpeas, and lentil sloppy joes... talk about a fiesta of vegan recipes! Actually I can't take credit - J. made all of these recipes!

I tend to be reluctant when it comes to making new recipes - usually I end up opting for good old fashioned connivence foods like hummus, salads, beans - whatever is around. J. however, tends to require more variety and culinary creativity on a regular basis. Every day I learn a little more from his genius.

- went on a beautiful hour long hike up a snowy and cold mountain to watch the sun sink down. It was beautiful, and by that I mean beautifully freezing. We. Were. Frigid.

- Made friends with an awesome bug which J. named Jasper. Jasper followed us around all weekend. I first met him in my room on Thursday night before J. and I met up. My first encounter with Jasper was on the floor of my bedroom where I found him crawling around before relocating him to a plant out in our living room. The second time Jay and I found him crawling on the floor in my room once again. I made sure to introduce them both to one another. The third time Jay and I saw Jasper was in the kitchen while we were making dinner. He fell off of the light in the center of the kitchen and onto the island counter-top. I put him onto a kale stem that had been sitting around and he remained there for the remainder of the evening. We eventually left the kitchen and returned to to bedroom, bringing Jasper and his kale stem with us. Eventually he crawled off of the stem and onto my dresser. Yet it wasn't long before we saw Jasper again! He met up with Jay and I once again in the kitchen ontop of the island. He also met up with me again yesterday morning, hiding inside of my shoe. J. and I found out that Jasper is a leaf footed bug. How do I know that it is the same bug? Well, I have never seen a leaf footed bug in my house before this and also I just have a sixth sense around bugs. Trust me guys, I just know.

- We had a play date with some adorable, pregnant goats! They were kind enough to show us around their little home and we happily obliged. They were real sweeties.

- We went to the Peace Pagoda in Leverett, an incedible buddhist monument created entirely by monks, nuns, and volunteers. It is one of the most beautiful and peaceful places I know of and trekking up the wintering hills of Leverett (it is only a five minute walk) is quickly becoming a winterly tradition for J. and I. We went this time last year and I hope to visit again this time next winter and hopefully in the spring (the optimal pagoda-visiting-season) as well!

- played a bit of music, listened to music, watched some funny movies, and just plain old spent time together.

Yay!

It was a wonderful way to spend a very cold couple of days.

Quote of the day:

"Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage. " - Maya Angelou

Here are links to the recipes I listed above:

Banana Pancakes:

http://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/2011/01/05/banana-pancakes-for-one/

Indian Spiced Chickpeas:

http://www.namastegurl.com/the-perfect-salad-topper/

Lentil sloppy joes:

http://www.honormyhealth.com/2010/07/05/lentil-sloppy-joes/

* I am not including the waffles because they were really heavy and ultimately not the best. But these other recipes? Winners.

How did you spend your weekend?

Nocturnal thought puddles

Hello lovelies!

Pictured above is some sweet kite flying action, which took place during my recent trip to Maine.

I am sitting here on my bed getting ready for some shut eye and it occurred to me that it has been a while since I wrote on here. So I am going to do a brief recap of what I have been up to in the past week (in a nutshell):

- I drove (reluctantly) back from J.'s parents' home in Maine to my parents' home, which is also my current residence, in Massachusetts. It was a sorrowful departure but an intellectually stimulating car ride thanks to some interesting NPR segments on gripping topics such as: killer computers, cosmic green space clouds, and Pay-as-you-throw-away trash programs. The recent death of my cd player has proven to be a major blessing in disguise. Thank you for keeping me company NPR, I am so glad that we have become friends.

- We got a buttload of snow on Wednesday and I took a beautiful walk down the street. I was lucky enough to spend the evening with a group of dear friends from high school, the night before two ladies in the group set off on a four month long trip to Africa! Goodness I am jealous. I can only wish them the best of luck with their travels and hope that they stay healthy, safe, and have plenty of fun. I will miss you both!

- I worked Thursday, Friday, and Saturday and had a super awesome time! I can really feel myself connecting and opening up with my coworkers. I needed and appreciated, and care for there. I think that feeling comfortable, stimulated, and joyful in your working environment are key to have a good experience and doing your best at whatever it is that your job entails.

- I had a particularly interesting discussion with a coworker on Friday about dreams. I will write more in depth about my own personal experience involving dreams as well as my response to this conversation next time.

- Saturday night, after another day of work, I ended up getting really sick. Also on Saturday, I made a big decision which I will explain in more detail in another post.

- Sunday afternoon, I chatted and played music with a good friend. We are preparing for an upcoming open mic that I am really excited about. It feels good to be playing more music - maybe my seasonal music slump is coming to an end (knock on wood). Later in the evening I had a great phone conversation with an older friend from high school who is currently interning at a recording studio. She told me that she is going to be working with Natalie Merchant soon! Jealous! We had a stimulating discussion on veganism and it was, I hope, as informative for her and it was fun for me. Sometimes I forget how much I know about veganism and nutrition. It is definitely a passion of mine.

And now, it is 1:50 on Monday - (Happy Martin Luther King Jr Day Everyone!) - and I am going to hit the hay. But first:

Some activities on the agenda for tomorrow:

- Get last minute HCC endeavors squared away

- Email: hawaii dude

- Call: Ro. (check)

- Schedule appointment (check)

- Play music (practice covers for open mic on Friday, work on my songs, practice guitar, uke, and piano) (check)

- Yoga or walk

- possibly weights? (check)

- Hang out with two dear friends and do something fun (check)

- Laugh, genuinely. (check)

(Random) Quote of the day:

"Imagination is more important than Knowledge" - Albert Einstein

Question of the day:

What are your thoughts on veganism?

Goodnight!